By Pamela Godoy
Have you ever wondered why Catholics are asked to be chaste? Doesn’t that go against human nature? Here are a few thoughts on chastity from a person who struggled some time ago with these “rules”.
Chastity is not the same as abstinence. The first thought that comes to the mind of many is that chastity means having to endure and suffer due to our subdued sexual instincts. Some might even think that it is impossible to live a chaste life. Nevertheless, this is far from being true. Chastity is a virtue, also known as purity. Chastity means having a higher goal to which a person strives. That goal is being free to love: free to love God, yourself, and others. Being chaste helps you live a life without some worries that many live with. If you’re single and chaste, you won’t get worried about getting pregnant out of marriage, getting a sexually transmitted disease (STD), or that you can’t break up a relationship where you no longer feel happy. If you’re married and both the spouses are chaste, you won’t be worried about being cheated on, and you will be able to learn to know your spouse at a deeper level. Would you like to eat some crumbs or would you rather eat at a banquet? Chastity allows you to recognize that the higher goal is eating at the banquet.
As you might have noticed, chastity is not only practiced during the single years but it should be practiced throughout all the states of life: if you’re single, if you are married or if you’ve made a vow of celibacy (i.e. priesthood or religious life). Chastity is not only refraining from sexual intercourse. Chastity is being modest. Chastity is loving the other person and not using the other to satisfy your desires. According to their unique design, men and women have certain wounds in their sexual life. Men tend to use women physically, and women tend to use men emotionally. Chastity helps you to look beyond the body and allows you to reach the soul. Being chaste is conduct, a way of living, an intention that is pure. It’s being honest and congruent both in your mind and your body.
Don’t we go against our instincts if we live in chastity? Sex is not bad. God created it. Yet, it is designed to occupy a certain space and time and that is in marriage. God gave us intelligence and will. We are able to dominate our passions for the greater good. That is loving and looking after what is better for other people. We must think that we have to take care of other’s hearts. Wouldn’t you like to stare directly into the eyes of an ex boyfriend’s wife and tell her, “I took care of him for you?”?
I once struggled and kept on asking, “But why should I wait?” I didn’t know at the time that by being chaste I could learn to love others better, to be freer to decide without any straitjacket and to have a heart that’s able to listen to God better. Yet, this is hard if we try to achieve it through our own means. We need divine help. That’s why we should constantly go to the sacraments (Eucharist and confession), have a strong life of prayer (rosary, read the Bible), learn about the life of Saints, and get together with people who will help us wait and encourage us to reach that greater goal which is loving better.
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