A desire for control is evident in everyone’s lives, in matters big and small.  It is only natural to want to control situations, outcomes, even other people, because having something out of our control can be scary.  It involves surrender, trust, and humility to allow someone else or to allow God to handle a situation that we are incapable of handling alone.   The pride that says, “No, let me do it” or “It needs to be how I want it” is something of which everyone is guilty at some point.

As a culture and a society, this often detrimental desire for control is arguably seen in some of the most hot-button and controversial social issues of our day and age.  One primary example is assisted suicide. The increasing visibility of this issue is an opportunity for everyone to truly do some soul-searching and to examine what we really think about the meaning of life.  The National Catholic Register reported on this topic through Los Angeles, California’s Archbishop Jose Gomez’s reaction to the California Senate’s approval of an assisted suicide bill this past June.  Patheos.com reported that the bill has since been withdrawn.  Gomez is quoted as saying, “Helping someone to die — even if that person asks for that help — is still killing. And killing is not compassion. It is killing.”

Life is sacred.  It is a gift that was given to us by God through our parents.  We did not give it to ourselves and we do not have to the right to end it.  The fragility of life should leave us humble before the mysteries of both life and death just as we must learn to be humble before the daily vicissitudes of life that are beyond our control.

Moreover, there can be great grace in suffering.  By uniting our sufferings to the redemptive suffering and death of Christ, we can help not only ourselves but those we love or even complete strangers.  It may seem more merciful to end a life and thus end earthly suffering but we cannot see the bigger picture.  There is always a reason for each happening.  It is not always about us.  We may be suffering because there is a lesson for us to learn or there may be an intended lesson for those around us, such as patience or courage or simply even not to take health and life for granted.

That is not to say that we should not try to alleviate another’s suffering and hardship; support, care, comfort, medicine are all invaluable, but we are not omnipotent or omniscient and we do not have the right to say when we die.

We would also do well to remember that it is a great privilege for caregivers and for family to care for a sick or dying loved one.  It is difficult.  It is hard. It might be inconvenient.  But it can also be beautiful and many special and joyful moments can still occur.  Archbishop Gomez said, “Death will always be a mystery, and death will never be easy, for those who are dying or for those who love them, but we can make death less painful, less frightening, and we can even make it a time of beauty, mercy and reconciliation.”

In matters consequential and inconsequential but especially when someone we love is suffering, we have a natural tendency to rail against feeling powerless, against feeling like we cannot make it better.  It may be time for society to remember this comforting prayer, which is applicable to all situations:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can’t change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Serenity Prayer