Throughout history, people have tried to explain what true love is. Many have said that it is a chemical reaction, others say it’s a decision. Some try to explain it from a poetical view. Yet, an easy but deep definition was given by Saint Paul VI in his encyclical Humanae Vitae (1968). He wrote that true love had four characteristics: free, full, faithful, and fruitful. These are sometimes referred to as the four F’s of human love.
A question that many philosophers have thought about is what the meaning of our existence is. A straightforward answer is that we are made to love and be loved. Love has to be given and accepted freely. Human love is a free act that involves both intellect and will. We are not only meant to fall under the weight of our passions. In marriage, spouses should give themselves freely to each other.
The second characteristic is that love should be given fully or totally. Spouses should not refrain from giving their full selves to each other. They should not hold anything back. They should put before themselves the good of the other person.
Human love should be faithful. A husband should be faithful to his wife, and a wife should be faithful to her husband. That’s what their bodies say in the marital act. They even release hormones to create stronger bonds and remain together (i.e. oxytocin, vasopressin).
Finally, love should be fruitful for both the spouses by giving life to one another. In addition, spouses are called to be co-creators with God by inviting a new baby to their family. Finally, a marriage can also be fruitful by giving life to the people that surround the couple and that might be inspired by their love.
All of these characteristics are modeled in the way in which Jesus loves His Church…the way in which He loves each one of us. He loved us freely by deciding to give His life for us. He gave himself fully to the point of even shedding the last drop of water of His body and by giving every single drop of His precious blood to save us. He loves us faithfully because he promises that He will love us and be with us forever. Finally, He loves us fruitfully since by His death we are meant to have eternal life.
So, the next time someone asks you about what true love is, you may answer that it has four characteristics, which are described in an extended way in 1 Corinthians 13, 4-8: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” As Evan Lemoine says, spouses should say with their bodies, “I’m yours (free), totally yours (full), only yours (faithful), and forever yours (fruitful).”
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