He Refused to Answer Any of My Questions

There seems to be a consistent pattern here at the UN in which peaceful questions asked by members of the pro-life community go unanswered, or ignored. “The Golden Man,” standing as a weaponless guard over the UN’s North Lawn Building, seemed intent on upholding this selectively-tacit standard.

Having introduced myself and my affiliated organization, I was met by pointed silence, a seemingly hostile posture of immobility, and zero eye-contact. A rather fruitless, one-sided conversation ensued, the transcript of which is as follows:

 

INTERVIEWER: Let’s not beat around the bush. You look amazing. Where’d you get these threads?

GOLDEN MAN:

INTERVIEWER: Alright, no matter. Could I ask your opinion on the progress of these UN millenneium development goals I keep hearing so much about?

GOLDEN MAN:

INTERVIEWER: I ask, because I can’t help but wonder how effective something could be to, for example, stand guard over the rights of a child, if it fails to acknowledge the child’s first right– her right to life.

GOLDEN MAN:

INTERVIEWER: With your front row seat in this building, you must have a pretty good pulse on the place.  With the CSW being geared specifically toward women and all, have you seen or heard much attention being paid to issues like sex-selective abortion, or the direct tie between the legalization of prostitution and human trafficking?

GOLDEN MAN:

INTERVIEWER: Or anything about the soaring maternal mortality rates which appear to be due largely to the implementation of so-called ‘reproductive rights’?

GOLDEN MAN:

INTERVIEWER: Are you wearing cologne? It’s nice.

GOLDEN MAN:

INTERVIEWER: I hear there’s a side event being held today regarding the Mermaid Suffrage Movement.*  If I tracked down tickets, would you come along?

GOLDEN MAN:

INTERVIEWER: Alright, I’ll get out of your hair. Any parting tips you might recommend for remembering all the acronyms around here? CEDAW, WHO, UNICEF, UNIFEM, INSTRAW, UNV, ECOSOC, UNU, UPEACE, WFP, UNEP, YWCA, UNESCO, UNRISD, IBRD, ICSID. It’s enough to stir up real resentment toward the alphabet.

GOLDEN MAN:

*Disclaimer: There is no actual Mermaid Suffrage Movement—at least, not yet.