As a child, punishment growing up was harsh. I mean, reprimanding was only a gift one would hope for. No tangible privileges such as phones or i-pads to take for misbehaving. Grounding would in fact have been a gift. The tools of discipline were a belt, slippers, and a cane. Depending on the magnitude of your ‘crime’ you would know what to expect when you got home. The belt was your dad’s specialty while your mother would specialize in the cane and flying slippers department.
While today some of us can look back and reminisce at how mischievous they were and their punishments back then, others are not so lucky. Such people bear psychological trauma for the severity of their penalties. Parents took the Biblical phrase, “spare the rod and spoil the child,” literally. Such kids dreaded going home to their parents after school. The trauma inflicted upon them after years of such abuse hasn’t worn off. Most victims carry it around and sometimes, unfortunately, pass it on to their children creating an avoidable cycle of abuse.
Perhaps, such parents did not know better, modern parenting requires guardians to do better. They practiced this probably because that is how they were raised. However, one can imagine the trauma children get if raised in a violent environment. In a study by Moffitt, in addition to trauma, children can also develop behavioral and learning problems. Beating a spouse is termed as gender based violence, beating animals is labeled animal abuse. Why should beating children be okay?
Corporal punishment
The most common type of violence against children is corporal punishment. It is any form of punishment that involves the use of physical force and is meant to inflict discomfort or agony. This violates children’s rights to respect for human dignity and bodily integrity.
Children who are spanked have lower moral internalization. As a result, those kids are much less likely to make wise decisions and follow rules in the absence of their parents. The majority of abuse cases also started with socially acceptable punishment. When we choose abusive forms of discipline, it becomes a challenge to teach our children self-control and better decision-making.
Alternatives to child punishment.
Provide the child with choices. Presenting the child with a choice on your terms as the parent gives them some sense of control. This will help them be more compliant and improve their decision-making.
Taking time out: Learn to acknowledge that you can be upset with your child and need time-out. Walk away, letting them know you are too upset to deal with them at that time.
Teach the child what you expect: Instead of punishing your child for misbehaving, teach them what they can do instead next time.
Recognize and reward their positive behaviors. If a child does something well, let them know. Simple acknowledgement is enough reward for them.
Consequence: Teach the children that their behaviors have consequences. Always tie back the consequence to the misbehavior.
I acknowledge that parenting is a hard job and usually goes unappreciated. It can be exhausting, frustrating and upsetting. However, as a parent, keeping your emotions in check especially around children is important. Poor parenting may cause aggressive and inappropriate behavior in children.
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