Recently I read a short article from a wedding website claiming to reveal the true meaning behind wedding veils and where the practice comes from. Unfortunately, I was disappointed that the article lacked much information or historical reference. Instead, the inherent morals in the article signifies a stark departure from traditional values in favor of secularism, which is worth looking at.

The article presents a litany of ambiguous and even false claims from the very beginning, claiming that arranged marriages used to be “the norm” and that this “tradition” has “less-than-romantic origins.” Within this premise, the article inserts the meaning of the veil, claiming that is was once “normal” and “even expected” for a couple to never see each other before their wedding, therefore the veil served as a way to shield the bride in order to preserve the arranged marriage and prevent the groom from rejecting her if she was ugly.

At its very conclusion, the article asserts that veils have now evolved into “much more romantic” ideas that come from the beauty of the bride’s dress and the importance of a good proposal. Though it is a well-known fact that weddings are increasingly secularized as people move away from practicing religion, articles such as these are particularly poisonous. This kind of article takes recognized symbols of traditional weddings and warps them to suggest that these traditional values are outdated, devoid of romantic passion, and even oppressive to a modern woman. Interestingly enough, the article’s claims lack any reference to history, and in many cases history proves these claims to be false.

Arranged marriage has its roots in history, however, in many cases these arrangements still required the consent of the couple. This is the case in Jewish Haredi communities that would arrange the couple either through their parents or a matchmaker but were never forced. Another use of the veil is in Roman brides, who wore a fire-colored veil to symbolize protection of the bride form evil spirits. In Christian history, the Church almost always opposed arranged marriage. The Catholic Church in particular supported women who refused arranged marriage, even if it led to their death and martyrdom. Later in the Middle Ages the Church opposed arranged marriage among nobles and made efforts to nullify these marriages whenever possible. The concept of freedom and choice has always had a place in Christian marriage and has only increased in importance and emphasis.

The article also does even gesture at a relationship between the veil and religion. That the article does not acknowledge the religious meaning of the veil suggests that perhaps this is what it wants its readers to resist. The traditional meaning of the veil is a sign of purity and virginity of the woman. Traditionally, either the bride’s father lifts the veil to present her to the groom, or the groom lifts the veil as a symbolic consummation of the marriage. In Jewish tradition, there is even a veiling ceremony which historically was a way for the groom to make sure he was marrying the right bride. This veil would even symbolize him making a promise to clothe her and protect her. Another common meaning of the veil suggests that the groom recognizes the inner beauty of his bride and a love that lasts despite the decline of outward appearances. In other orthodox traditions the bride may even wear an opaque one.

Considering the true tradition and meaning of the veil in contrast to an exaggerated, secular understanding suggests that culture wants people, especially young people, to have a disdain for tradition. This disdain begins in rejecting the “tradition” of a symbol like a veil, but in the end suggests that all tradition is unromantic as well. This trend is frankly very sad, as the true meanings of the veil are very beautiful and emphasize the relationship between a husband and wife in ways that are far more romantic than the aesthetic appeal of a dress or proposal.

In the past, such as the very early 19th century society (like Jane Austen novels) the view of marriage was reversed from the common ideas of our society: couples married without knowing each other very well with the belief and hope that overtime they would get to know each other intimately and grow in deep love for one another. Is this scary and risky? Of course! But honestly, marriage itself is a risk that requires faith and the same commitment to get to know the beloved even after marriage, through years of growing old together. The cultural norm may be to know your significant other much longer before marriage, but in the end that knowledge on the wedding day will still only be a fraction of the knowledge to come and the continual commitment to a person. We have lost this ideal in society and have lost faith in marriage altogether.

To conclude, I think articles that inherently reject these ideals and instead promote living-together before marriage suggest that an individual will know his or her significant other completely before getting married, and this is a lie. We need a recommitment to marriage, a new sense of faith and hope in the beauty of a man and woman becoming a team in love and life, and a recognition of the lies that surround us whether they are found in explicit manners or crafty marketing articles!

 

 

 

References:

Mackey, Jaimie. “Considering a First Look? Here’s Why Grooms Traditionally Don’t See the Bride Until the Final Moment.” Ceremony & Vows. Brides.com. 02 May 2017.

Pernoud, Régine (2000). Those terrible Middle Ages: debunking the myths. San Francisco: Ignatius Press. p. 102.

The Principles of Jewish Law, Ed Menachem ElonISBN 0-7065-1415-7, p 353.

Ingrassia, Catherine (2007). “Diana, Martha and Me”. In Curran, Colleen. Altared: bridezillas, bewilderment, big love, breakups, and what women really think about contemporary weddings. New York: Vintage Books. pp. 24–30.

Brand, Antiquities of Great Britain (Hazlitt’s ed., 1905

Rev J. Edward Vaux, Church Folklore (1894)